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The word "throttle" had never been in my vocabulary. That all changed this weekend after attending the Northeast Motorcyle Expo at the Connecticut Expo Center.
Slightly skeptical, but completely game, I agreed to join my Motorcycle-Riding Friend at the Expo. I figured I'd focus on the fashion aspect rather than the motorcycle aspect. I knew fashion would be a highlight because I used to live in South Dakota, home of the world-famous Sturgis Bike Rally. Fashion is a big deal at the Rally.
The Motorcycle Expo didn't disappoint.
You could find pretty much anything you wanted at Shitzengiggles Cycle Circus, including this tasteful basic black tank:
The vendors had you dressed from helmet to boots, jacket to delicate underthings.
Wait. Are underthings sporting gemstones delicate?
Well, they're at least versatile, I learned while speaking with Speed Channel personality Michelle Smith, purveyor of the "no needle" tramp stamp.
Here's the deal: the jeweled bits are attached to the fabric with little hooks. While you're washing the fabric, you can unhook the jeweled bits and wear them as a necklace. Patent Pending. Seriously.
After chatting with Michelle, who was trying to convince my Motorcycle-Riding Friend that the rhinestone heart necklace panties were a great Valentine's Day gift, I felt that any other motorcycle fashion would fall short. I mean really? A fringed leather bustier? That's nothing after the Jeweled G.
It was time to move on to motorcycle fashion.
Isn't this pretty?
At the Motorcycle Expo I discovered all sorts of sparkly decorative objects for your bike.
Check out these beautiful taillight lenses. I mean, they're practically like pavé Swarovski crystals.
And speaking of crystals...
...you can get jeweled license plate bolts. Stylin'.
I was thrilled to learn that hot pink duct tape exists.
And I was completely enchanted by this:
"What is this?" I asked my Motorcycle-Riding Friend while pointing at the silvery knifey flamey things.
"It's a wheel," he said.
I'd seen quite a bit, and was more or less ready to go when I realized something. I didn't have to be a passenger forever. I could actually ride a motorcycle on my own!
But first, I would have to learn.
How convenient! The Connecticut Rider Education Program had a booth at the Expo!
There were two simulators in the booth, used for the classroom-instruction portion of the Basic Rider Course, which includes 6 hours in-class and 12 hours on-cycle.
I took the opportunity to try out the simulator. It was super fun. At first I just tooled around a course getting a feel for shifting and braking and using the throttle and turn signal and stuff. At one point the instructor told me I was going 75 miles per hour. I hadn't noticed because I was concentrating so hard.
Then I crashed.
At that point he suggested I try a training course. He loaded up City Course 1, and I drove my virtual motorcycle around a sleepy downtown.
Merging into traffic? A.
Ride safely behind a truck? A.
Avoid a car door being opened in front of me? A.
Avoiding collision with a passenger car that suddenly darted into the street? C. I came within 6.7 feet of colliding with it.
But all-in-all?
Exhilarated, I set out to find a real motorcycle to sit on. They come in all sizes and I'm kinda short, so I needed to find one that wasn't too heavy, and would also let my feet touch the ground. Easier said than done, as sellers aren't actually taking up space in their trailers with their smallest, wimpiest motorcycles.
But MOM saved the day and I found myself on a Suzuki GZ 250. All black. And I wanted it.
I'm not kidding. Wheels were spinning, bank balances were reviewed, cash registers were ka-chinging in my head.
Yes, I almost impulse-purchased a motorcycle.
I was stopped only by the knowledge that I wasn't capable of test-driving it.
I'm signing up for my Basic Rider Course tomorrow.
G-Strings w/ integrated jewelry. That's...interesting. Lot of thought for something most people won't see. Unless you go to Sturgis, I guess.
So, if you can convince the wife that taking this course is a good idea, I'm interested. Been something I've wanted to do for a while, just never got around to it.
Sujal
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WOW - of course, it makes total sense - if you're willing to ride one why wouldn't you want to do the driving too?
I have a very good friend in VA who is shorter than you who rode them for years (before the two kids . . . )
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If you buy a crotch rocket, I'm disowning you.
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Does it look like I'm sitting on a crotch rocket?
You wanna go for a ride. I know you do. Chicks on a Motorcycle and all that.
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What's with the crotch rocket hate? there's nothing wrong with this.
Or this.
Sujal
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What's wrong with it? it's boring for one. It also has three or four times the horsepower that any new rider should have access to. It's also unlovely to behold.
The W650 is the last Kawasaki that took the time and effort to look really good.
And that's because it was trying to look like an old Triumph.
Motorcycles are a thrill to ride, very good on gas (high MPG is a great benefit to share with a doubtful spouse) but they can (and should, IMO) be beautiful, sculptural machines as well.
Sport bikes have lost their individuality. Suzuki GSX-R's and Ninjas, etc. are tremendously capable machines, but they have become ubiquitous, and a thin veneer of airbrushing or flashy paint doesn't hide the fact that one crotch rocket differs very little than any other these days. They all have more power than anyone needs, so you should seek out something that moves you in other ways. Will you be comfortable riding it? Does it feel right? Do you love to look at it? When I was in my 20's I was fortunate enough to own a 1970 Triumph just like the one in the second picture. It was harsh, finicky and leaky, but it looked, sounded and felt magnificent. I never rode it without a big grin on my face and never walked away from that bike without stealing one or more extra glances at it as I walked away. We all have different tastes, and would gravitate toward different bikes, but ideally, THAT is what you want in a motorcycle.
The rider education programs are great. I highly recommend them. I also recommend Proficient Motorcycling and other books by David L. Hough. Hough should be required reading for all bikers and car drivers as well!
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Truth be told, I probably wouldn't be buying a high powered machine anyway, but I think my aesthetic sense is different than yours. I could make the same argument about non-sportbikes as well - they all look like metal and black leather to me.
To each their own, I guess?
Sujal
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Here's my explanation for what's wrong with them:
My brother and dad raced dirt bikes. They both did very well at the sport, judging by the living room filled with obnoxiously large trophies. My mom used to ride a motorcycle to work. That was during the age of Go-Go Boots and mini skirts. My baby book notes that I went on a three hour motorcycle ride when I was about three weeks old. I spent more time than I care to remember watching ice races and motorcross races. I rode a motorcycle in the yard, literally around the house, wearing a dirt path through the grass.
As a result, I have a very rigid idea about what counts as a motorcycle and what does not. It should be Evel Knievel or nothing.
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I bow down to your expertise. (unconvinced)
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I'll remember that when wheeling around West Hartford on my motorcycle. In fact, I'll make it a point to drive past your house to taunt you with my sweet ride.
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You're right. I was having a preemptive freak out. While the bike you're pictured on is not exactly my style, it certainly is not a crotch rocket.
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Great post - very funny. My fiancee took the course, because she said she was tired of riding behind me and not being able to see where she was going. Not even a year later, we drove our bikes from Hartford to Key West. If she can do it, you can!
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